The Catastrophe
My mother is a catastrophizer.
She is a worst case scenario-ist.
If you tell her you’ve got a problem, she will lay out the most bleak, devastating picture imaginable.
Not she, nor I, nor anyone in her field is untouched by this phenomenon.
She’s also one of the most organized, capable, and efficient women I know.
I believe she’s this way because every time action is necessary, she floods her system with adrenaline, scarcity, and fear as a way to motivate her to get “solving” whatever death defying problem is in front of her.
One could imagine what this did to the children in her care.
Got a C on a report card? Don’t want to wind up homeless in the gutter.
Didn’t remember to take out the trash? Home overrun by maggots and mice with hanta virus.
You get my gist.
The virus got imbedded in my system too. So it’s my job to clean it up.
This month we are working in the womb chakra gateway with Jupiter as ruler.
It has us feeling into our relationship with “Havingness”, where we go into fear and scarcity. Where we are open and receptive to life arising vs where we collapse. Where we park our energy running fear based programming. Therefore it’s not available for creation.
This week I’ve had a car problem, and a fridge problem.
I’ve watched as my innate programming immediately had my nervous system pitch upwards, and my mind traveling all the way down the road to being car-less.
Oops, there’s that pattern again. That archetype. The catasptrophizer.
As soon as I reoriented myself to the present, and didn’t let my energy run out in front of what was happening, my car situation resolved.
It’s amazing this practice, of staying with what’s true.
What was true was I had a light on. There were a few things I could try before needing to pay someone to tell me what was wrong.
I did those, and resolved it myself.
What a waste of time it would have been to worry about how I’d get the kids to school Monday morning. Or what the bank account would look
I may have ended up there. And I would have been well with my right to be concerned at that point.
But worrying about it upfront? Running out in front of the truth, in front of reality, into a land of make-believe doom?
No thank you.
*I’ll add the disclaimer here; I have a lot of compassion and generosity for my mother in this spot. I love and respect her. I’m looking at how I can evolve this for myself. Not taking a dig at her.
