The Secret

THE SECRET….

To require the care of other people is the most basic AND fundamental human need on the planet.

And yet, our culture teaches us that to need deep care, to need to be seen, held, and witnessed tenderly, is weak, and inconvenient.

That we are asking to much to be met fully and deeply by at least one other human being.

We are sold the idea that we should be able to thrive in solitude. That this is true strength.

So much is misconstrued if we don’t hold these concepts with complexity.

The word “sovereignty” is bandied about, and if not digested properly, one could easily equate sovereignty with bad-assery.

Let’s look at some other “concepts” that can create inner mayhem if not understood multidimensionally.

The word “individuate” can be misinterpreted as “individual”.

Boundaries misunderstood as “wall off your heart so you don’t feel the sting of pain next time.”

Responsibility and Maturity as code for “they made their own way in the world”, or “strength”.

The underlying, unspoken thread, in all of these pop spiritual concepts is SOLO.

I get it, I understand why.

Without initiation our culture is still adolescent.

How do we become initiated? In community. Through challenge, and being witnessed and HELD, as we meet those challenges.

In our culture, Codependency is what passes for love.

We have no idea what LOVE, pure, unadulterated, high level LOVE, really is.

We don’t know what thorough, more than enough care for others is.

Or how to receive it for ourselves. And it’s not necessarily a lesson we consciously teach our children. Not by example anyway.

For the most part, our “ability” in these areas is sub par.

Seriously, ask yourself, when I am needed, Do I show up? Cleanly? With no resentment, no sticky threads? No stories. Do I show up in service to love, for the sake of love itself?

And because I do that for others….

When I need love, do I open as wide as possibly can to receive it? Do I ingest all of the (love) medicine available? The full dose I need, until I am completely satiated? Or do I shoo others away, and talk myself out of how much I really need?

Our mainstream culture certainly teaches us to get really small when it comes to our reception.

But what of us, who live of the edges of culture. Those of us who have dared to dream of “a new earth”?

If we don’t first understand that THE foundational piece of “resourcing ourselves”, actually means gathering a solid support system, and community we can lean into, and be held by.

That we need to nurture our connections so that when we are out of range, co-regulation and nourishment is available should we require it. Then we are in for a dry, joyless, ride towards lifelessness, illness, and death. Game over, try again.

——-

It’s really this simple: love and human connection is the underlying reason we incarnated.

We didn’t come for any “lesson” other than that.

That’s it. That’s the subject, that’s what is on the test, that’s the answer to every question. If we are being graded, That’s what we are being graded on.

Humans, have so entirely gunked up, complicated, and put barriers in place to love at every single turn, making the stakes of the whole game higher and higher.

One might even ponder if breaking the bonds of human connection was the main strategy of the conquerers. (This is a thread to pull another day)

Look at our anti-life matrix.

Every possible obstacle to human connection is thrown at us.

From “the system”, to organized religion, to childhood wounds, war, violence, trauma, hurt people hurting people, technology, broken community bonds, etc.

“They” make it nearly impossible to truly flourish in the world.

How do we flourish? We have the unshakable, marrow deep, KNOWING that we are LOVE.

Love is the reason we rage. It’s the reason we create, write, dance, and make music & art. Its the reason we grieve and mourn. It’s the reason we partner, and the reason we make a family.

Lack of love is the reason we hurt.

In every conceivable equation, love and human connection is at the root.

Talking about the need for love, the bonds of human connection, and the need for true community care, for the sake of the community, isn’t a popular conversation.

I’m here to make it one. Because it matters.