Puzzle

Written By Damascena Tanis

Beautiful beautiful boy.


I miss you.


Long to hold you. 


Wrap you in my arms.


Hold your face in my hands.


Caress your check with the back of my fingers.


Look in your deep blue green eyes. 


Beautiful beautiful boy.


I need you. 


Don’t know how to go on without you.


Hollowed out from the inside.


A silent, strong, lament crashes against my chest. 


I feel so empty and so full at once.


So on the edge and in the middle of a vast nowhere at the same time.


Just existing


Barely living


In the long stretch of days spent longing for you. 


I wake with you on my mind


Drift off to sleep with you on my heart


In the middle of my day the missing takes up the biggest part.


There is nowhere in the world where you are not


The house, the backyard, the street, and neighborhood. 


Our community, a repository of memories. Thank God. 


Shadows of you all around. No new memories to be made


And god that’s the hardest. I want a redo. A do-over.


Memories bring me to why’s. 


Why did I make this choice or that. 


Why did I think things that mattered didn’t?


If I just had a chance to do it again, I wouldn’t do so bad.


And maybe you’d still be here, and I wouldn’t have this gigantic whole in my heart.


I don’t know how to go on without you.


I don’t want to. 


I want to be where you are. Not here where you aren’t.


Damascena Tanis

Damascena is an Archetypal Astrologer, Ayurvedic Wellness Practitioner, and The Facilitator of the Transformative Journey through the Mandala of Venus’ Wisdom, called “Sky Dancer”.

She is a passionate devotee of the ever unfolding mystery. As an expert observer, a trait she developed as an only child, she regards herself as both a student of life, and decoder of the cosmos.

Skilled at recognizing invisible patterns, and picking up on subtle shifts in the collective, she gets a thrill from uncovering and revealing the hidden threads that are woven together to create our paradigm.

Her passion for this existential detective work aligns well with her unique approach to one on one client work, as she helps others to discover the building blocks of their archetypal blueprint, and mythic overtones. She does not believe that astrology is static, and therefore works with clients to develop strategies and practices that allow them to transcend challenging aspects of their natal chart.

She lives on the Shores of Lake Erie with her husband, four kids, and Cat, Oscar (the grouch).

These days, when she isn’t interpreting a natal chart, or translating the stars for her astrology blog, you can find her engaging in one of her favorite pandemic pastimes, unraveling her inner “good girl”, cultivating the ability to thrive in the deep, dark, unknown, or playing her favorite game of identifying fun paradoxes called “two things are true at once”.

https://www.RedMoonRevival.org
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