…As Venus Turns

….AS VENUS TURNS

I am “holding” a lot.

-All four of my children, to different degrees, and in different ways.

-I am holding my home, a business I share with my ex partner, my own job, and practice.

-And inside of all of this, I am holding the responsibility for not just the maintenance, but the thriving of all of these things.

The day after Tanner’s anniversary this year, I got really clear about the dual nature of “holding”. How it is both a blessing and a burden.

I saw that it wasn’t something I was in right relationship with.

I’ve always related to “holding” as “responsibility”. Allowing it to be both a joy and at times an extreme stress. Often feeling victimized or martyred by it.

But what I realized in a post anniversary session with one of my mentor’s is, “holding” is an energetic, as much as it is a responsibility.

Holding is a function of the Archetype of the Static Feminine. (I’ll teach more on here in future transmissions)

It’s no surprise to me that this arose during the shift point of Venus’ cycle as she moves from Capricorn (the Static Feminine, ruled by Saturn/Earth) to Leo, (the dynamic Feminine, ruled by the Sun/Fire). I needed the contrast to get the lesson.

You see, I had this layer, call it a crust, (a term my teacher uses) that I thought was my bottom. I thought it was the boundary of my own field. But in reality, it was a crystalized layer of energetic holding. Absolutely locked in place. Unconsciously of course.

It was only after I dropped through this layer, that I realized all that was cemented in here, and what that has cost me over the years.

In a lot of ways, it’s been tied into my “good woman/good mother” archetype. And kept me safe from the gooey lusciousness of my animal body. It kept me from getting too wild, erratic, and irrational. It kept me from getting too angry or too feral.

I could feel the survival story it was born in. I was smart enough to know at 15 years old, if I didn’t act the part of the good woman/good mother, that they would likely take my baby from me. So I locked up all of my dangerous parts, and set out to copy what I thought a “good woman/good mother” looked like. And it was just copying. There was no part of me that was authentically living out this archetype. I was a child myself.

It was Survival, for not just for me, but my baby, and most importantly the narrative I was building.

“Identity”.

This layer of holding has not even been particularly good at playing the “Dam” and holding all of the instinctual, feral, explosions inside. Though it has been effective at punishing me severely when they migrate through.

In the post anniversary session, when I dropped through the other side, I could feel how much energy this layer of holding siphons from my life force. How much life force is needed to keep it erect. I could also feel how much “life” and authentic living it has kept out. This unconscious, and outdated story, cemented in energetic stasis.

Right relationship to holding is conscious. It’s an agreement to hold what is ours, and to do regular maintenance. It’s not over-responsibility, or outdated contracts. It’s also airy. It allows energy to circulate. It’s permeable, and malleable. It can breathe. It also has places in which it is held. Where we can drop all of the layers and soften into ourselves. Feel our own essence without being locked down or out by unconscious archetypal agreements. Where our life force can radiate (The Sun) unhindered by untrue restraints.

While I’m nowhere near finished clearing all of the places I am “holding”. I can feel the dynamism coming into penetrate and soften each place I identify wrong relationship with this energetic. It’s freeing, and liberating me in some beautiful ways. Especially in the capacity to receive holding myself.

As we move through this phase change with Venus, from Static Feminine, to Dynamic Feminine, Venus is inviting all of us to release these outdated patterns of “holding”.

In addition to the lifelong layers of crust, This Capricorn cycle began amidst the “Winter of Death” in 2022. Right when the O variant was pressing down upon us. Think back to the ways in which C.ovid and the high levels of external anxiety induced compression around that time, and locked us into an extended survival mode. Is there any residue we are still clinging onto? Places where we are internally gripping and clenching, can reveal holding that is not healthy. There is so much to explore and potentially illuminate here.

When I have trouble seeing or feeling this within my own field because of its unconscious nature, I can often find it in media, television, movies, stories, or even in my own community. I can identify where it is out of balance in those places and ask myself, is this also true for me? In some way shape or form? Oftentimes it’s enough of an opening to begin to pull at my own threads and begin to release the pattern. There is so much life force (Sun) to be reclaimed here.

Happy Hunting…

Art: Malkuth. Consider how the “Great Mother” (us) is holding (Saturn) the world and how the Sun is holding it all. Where can we release and trust that we will be held by something greater than we are?

#venus #astrology #capricorn #leo #feminine #static #dynamic #holding #energy