Libra Full Moon and Projection

Art by Shallot

Given that we just passed the Libra Full Moon, opposite the Sun in Aries, I thought I’d take a moment to speak to a dimension of this Axis. Projection is a theme in Libra. In Libra we are asked to look at how we are showing up in relationship. The essence self of Aries meeting the essence self in others and cultivating space for both to exist without projecting purity into our roles.

Sometimes doing a lot “self work” or “spiritual work” can make us a bit narcissistic. We understand the way we work really well. But other people, not so much.

If our self work doesn’t include service. And focusing as much on honoring our “humanity” and having a wide berth of grace and approval for our mess, as the “improvement or spiritual” piece, we run the risk of becoming a psychologically violent projectionist. (I don’t have any qualms about using the word violent here, I’ll explain below.)

Projecting our ideal self onto others.

I have an acquaintance who has been doing a lot of archetypal spiritual work. Archetypal work necessitates projection in and of itself. There is a whole psychological process that unfolds when engage with archetypal work. Golden projection. It’s something that a facilitator should acknowledge at the outset so we don’t orient to the archetypes as another external God that has us quest for the perfection they hold.

This acquaintance counts herself as quite empathetic. Though I have consistently found myself on the receiving end of her projections, both golden and dark, and it doesn’t come off as empathy to me, it comes of as idealistic and assumptive.

The way we were taught empathy in the West is literally an education in projection.

“Put yourself in someone else’s shoes”

Isn’t that the golden rule?

The problem is, this is impossible.

So when we are being “empathized” with, we are actually on the receiving end of how people who have put themselves in our shoes might react to our predicament.

And this actually can get a lot worse when they’ve done a lot of “self or spiritual work”.

Because in the “self work” journey, we’ve begun to crystallize around the ideal self we are growing into.

So the way we would fill someone else’s shoes becomes pretty set in stone.

When we are projecting onto someone, we are always negating that person’s humanity.

We aren’t leaving room for their unique expression to come through, therefore, there isn’t room for their humanity to show up. Only our ideas about who they are and how they should show up, can fill the space.

I want to redefine empathy as “a humble curiosity in another person’s human experience”.

Rather than this inane notion that we can ever really know another person’s experience.

This is a huge crucible for me to be in at the moment.

As a grieving mother I have taken on the form of an archetype for a lot of people. “Mother of the Worst Loss on the Planet”

I’m consistently met with people’s ideas (projections) of what my experience is like. I know it’s generally well meaning, though sometimes it literally smacks.

On the gentler edge it feels like being managed or handled with kid gloves.

On the harsher edge, it feels like not being invited or included because their is an assumption I’m not up for something.

Or there’s a projection around my capacity, either it’s greater or less than what is real for me.

What I haven’t been met with is humble curiosity. Human to human curiosity. A curiosity that lacks assumption.

I understand that projection is part of human nature. And a function of how we map the world, and yet, it’s often operating in our unconscious.

Therefore, it’s the next outpost on the frontier that I want to explore within myself.

I want to explore it in me, because I want to be met in this way. With humble curiosity. Instead of with crystalized assumptions about my experience.

Though this has been highlighted through my grief journey, I now see it showing up all of the time. In every relationship, in all corners of my life. I catch myself doing it, or I’m on the hurtful end of it.

And it’s so sneaky. I can rarely point it out to someone else and they can see it.

In fact, I think that teaching of “putting ourselves in other shoes” has left our culture in a position in which it feels entitled to project and assume rather than inquire.

This isn’t actually ok. It feels like a violation to be told what my experience is rather than asked. It lacks compassion and respect for my humanity. When I do it to someone else, I’ve been told they feel the same way.

It’s existing as a figment of someone’s story about us. Rather than being given the grace to tell our story ourselves.

I wrote about projections and Archetypes last year. Find it here.

• I want to make clear that projection is a normal human function, it does play a role in our capacity for compassion, empathy, love, and understanding. This writing isn’t to demonize, rather to point out that it’s helpful to be conscious and aware of when we are using it and it doesn’t serve. Putting ourselves in another’s shoes should be held lightly, with flexibility, and curiosity, rather than rigidly.