Venus Star Point

Gorgeous Art by Jake Baddeley

There’s this way when we are in the midst of an organic Underworld Journey, the kind that is involuntary, the kind that feels “thrust upon us”, by an outside force, we can become angry with the level of suffering we are in.

It can feel frustrating, like the pain is grating on us, exposing every nerve. And we didn’t ask for this!!

It’s not as though we made the conscious choice to change jobs or end a relationship. We were given a steaming pile of sh!t, and now we have to figure out what to do with it.

It’s hard in these gateways to see a way out, to keep the faith.

I‘ve had an unusually hard life. Or so the people around me say.

Long ago I learned that the only thing that manifests in comparing my pain, or even my luck, to others is more suffering. So I don’t tend to do that.

I accept my lot.

Since childhood I have been an alchemist, attempting to turn the lead of my circumstances into gold.

It must be an odd way to approach huge challenges in the ordinary world because people around me always comment on how “well I handle being in circumstances full of manure”.

For me, this is second nature. I truly value my life. I want to live. The only way I could have ressurected my life from the many piles of ash it’s become over the years, has been to figure out this piece. (Plus I’m a Scorpio, so that helps)

Although the way it transpires changes a little each time. The orientation stays the same. The orientation to being a yes for the journey. Wherever it takes me.

But this time it brought me here.

When my son died, I was like “seriously? Wtf? When do I get to rest from the constant pummeling of pain and loss?”.

I’m human. Of course I had that moment. A moment I recognized as a “Job” moment.

Wondering why my childhood Bible lessons kept surfacing, and being oriented towards alchemy, I decided I’d follow the nudge. So I ordered a book by Richard Rohr called “Job and the Mystery of Suffering”.

I liked the title. “The Mystery of Suffering”.

On the first page, the very first page, the initial dose of medicine came…

“Although the story of Job (who endured an almost unending assault of loss) has usually been regarded as a study of the mystery of Evil, I’d prefer to look at it as the anatomy of a conversion. A diagram for those who “fall into the hands of a Living God” Heb. 10:31. -R Rohr

Ahhh, of course, this is exactly where I am on the Map, I am in the hands of Her (the living God)

And as I’ve begun to see myself as being in an ever deepening encounter with God, with Her, it has kept me from stepping outside of my predicament and judging it from the outside, where I’d inevitably find myself in a really bitter place.

Rather I see Her sometimes ruthless compassion as totally benevolent.

Which has helped me open inside of my experience. Open to the pure, unadulterated life force coursing through the pain. Letting it chisel some new shape from the molten rock my of my life.

I’m still so in the midst of it all. Down in the alchemical chamber being emulsified by loss. I have no idea how it will all look down the road.

Though I do know that this whole experience of “being in the hands of a living god”, keeps deepening my relationship to trust. 

This whole year has been an initiation with trust. Even before my son left. It was the word I called in at the new year.

I’d noticed just how much being in the midst of a World Wide event like 2020, had shaken my trust. And how much “safety” was choking out any signs of life.

So I thought I’d be learning to trust life again. And I had. I had begun to really deepen my relationship to trusting the perfection of all things. Again.

Then my son died.

This? As perfect? That was a tall order.

What I’ve actually learned is, I have to trust the wisdom of death as much as I’ve learned to trust the perfection of life. Because they are the same.

And I have to trust them without being attached to an outcome, or even a meaning. Without there being a bigger fuck!ng plan. There might be. But as soon as I hook onto that, I’ve

un-surrendered. Wanting to take an active part in how it all works out in the end.

Take the chisel in my hand. Rather than be chiseled.

Be the hands of the living God rather than resting in them.

Certainty is so fuc$!ng seductive.

But it’s also rigid and controlling.

Trust is open. But it takes all of us. Surrender takes all of us.

Like Job, in an organic underworld experience, we will keep wrestling with our pain and suffering until we don’t anymore.

Suffering comes from our stories about what has happened to us. From the mind. From our unconscious contracts with our own mental loops and early conditioning. From the land of “shoulds”. From wanting to control the outcome.

Pain is different. Pain flows up from the depths of love. It feels like grief and longing, but is divorced from the mind. It is open, and deeply connected to the mystery.

We will flip flop from suffering to pain and back again, until finally, we miraculously emerge from the chrysalis. Wholly Changed.

And it will all happen without any force from us. Without willing ourselves along the path. Without certainty.

It will happen when we rest ourselves in the hands of the living God. The Great Mother.

This is where we are on our #Venus Journey as she is occulted by the Sun, Squaring Pluto. With a Solar Eclipse in Scorpio immediately following.

Nestling into Her. Waiting to be transformed by the Mystery.

Underworld October 22nd. I’ll be giving you more of my secrets. Link to registration in the comments.

#underworld #pluto #venus #astrology #sun #venusstarpoint #pain #suffering #trust #death #grief #loss