From Compression to Juicy Flow

I have four children, a relationship, and a house and a business.

I also have other desires. Things I want to pursue in life.

When I feel into that I notice that in the background, my nervous system is *almost* always in a hyper aroused state. Or I’m not getting anything done.

Is this survival mode? Am I extracting from my life force to “get things accomplished? It sure shows up that way sometimes.

All of this causes me to go into this "holding it all together stance" a kind of contraction.

I need to be expanding the capacity of my nervous system to hold more.

And opening.

I’m tired of needing to be “together” like a tight wad of yarn.

I want to be unwound. Unbound. Able to be with groundlessness. Fully

I want to open in the effortless way a flower does.

I want my “force” to be sourced from nature.

The way a river naturally flows. The way the tides just organically move.

I’m done with, gripping, grasping, controlling, and contracting.

I’m done with the story work, transforming from mind.

I spent the last decade healing that piece and I still don’t “feel” better. I just “think” better.

Now I want work with my body.

I want open, abundant, juicy flow.

I’m always Cycling. Always mutating. Birthing, Dying, and Resurrecting. Again and again and again.

Now I want to get off on it.